Leaky, uneven boobs. Saggy, dark, squishy belly skin. Itchy and still painful operation incision. A newborn that nurses on demand at either every 3 hours or every hour and a half, for food and for comfort. I am tired. I am hungry. I am crazed. I am anxious. I hurt.
I can’t wait to get back to my world, yet I want to stay right here, with Him, for as long as possible. I don’t know that my body clock understands night from day. I have cabin fever. I don’t want to go outside. My hormones are unrecognizable. And my emotions have taken a hit. This is the aftermath of giving birth. And all the while, I look down at this little being, this little soul, and can’t help to feel lucky and blessed that He chose me. Mothering is not for the weak. It takes a true Goddess to nourish life, to pass it through into this world, then to promise The Universe that you will do everything in your power to love and protect that which you were entrusted. I would not have it any other way.
Editor’s Note: That was my reality of post-partum IG post. This is how I spend my days lately. In bed, either napping, or nursing, or attempting to do something productive, while in bed. I need to mention that Joe and the kids are doing an incredible job helping me, and their support is invaluable. However, this post was not about Dad or them. This post is to help them and everyone else understand, as a woman going through pregnancy, then post-pregnancy, there are some things your partner just can not make better. In a way, it’s like a rite of passage. A woman can have all the support in the world and still feel all the changes. It’s nuts. Between the feeling of loss, [because let’ face it, with the gain of a baby you lose your previous life], the overwhelming newness, the very drastic changes, the pain, the unforgiving pain, sleep deprivation, hormonal imbalance, did I say sleep deprivation, it can make a woman completely crazy. Being older, wiser and have already experienced this, I didn’t think I would feel crazed. But I feel more crazed than before, and in a totally different way. So I put myself out there, even more so now because of my venture, to let other women know, you aren’t alone. We aren’t alone. And it’s okay to be honest. Many of us are too focused on being perfect post-partum, holding in feelings, tending to company prematurely, trying to handle pre-partum household responsibilities when all we should be doing is laying our ass in bed and recovering. The love of the new life indeed conquers all. But the journey can totally suck. And it’s okay to admit that. Feelings are natural and being emotional is apart of the process. Embrace it. The more you do, the more you’ll be willing to talk about it and the better you will feel. All these IG new baby feeds are of unrealistic perfection. And here I am like “Um, NO. That is not how it is. Did you even take a shower today? Cause I can’t fkn remember.”
Enjoy the journey. Because it doesn’t last forever. And you will be that much stronger because of it.